Megan Miles

page 2

I went into such great detail about her ordeal over the mountains because this was the first encounter with death of our angel.  Megan was on antibiotics off and on clear through the summer.

          My worst nightmare happened on Tuesday August 8, 2000.  Megan slept in that day like usual ‘til about 2:00pm (yes she enjoyed her sleep much like her parents).  When I went to get her out of bed she seemed to be sweating yet was cool to the touch.  I got her dressed her hair done and all the things we usually did when she finally woke up.  We went out on "her" couch and got her breathing treatment and feeding out of the way.  She had therapy that day so we wanted to be up and ready to go.  Her therapist, Missy, had called to let me know she was going to be a little late and wanted to make sure it was ok.  I said yes got off the phone and turned around to tell Megan.  When I turned around my little girl was not breathing and was once again gray from head to toe.

          I freaked.  I pulled her down so she was laying flat and just started crying and begging her please not to go.  I ended up calling Missy back and saying what do I do?  Missy knew our wishes and told me to get off the phone and call 911(duh) and that she was on her way.  By this time I was crying hysterically and trying to calm down to talk to the dispatcher.  I told her I couldn't remember how to do CPR so she told me to get Meg on the floor and told me details on how to perform CPR.  I breathed 3 breaths into her before the paramedics got here.  The last breath I breathed into her made her half smile.  The paramedics got doing what they were doing and I said we had a modified D.N.R. so I went and got that and by then Missy was here. I ran into the kitchen where she was and started telling her what had happened and then I called James.  In the next few minutes I would make the hardest decision I have ever had to make.  One of the paramedics came and asked me if I wanted them to intubate.  I looked at Missy and she asked if I could wait until my husband got here-he would be here very shortly.  The paramedic went back into the living room and came right back and told me Megan's heart had stopped and if they were going to do anything they needed to do it now.  My heart was saying do what ever is necessary but my brain said she's fought the last 8 months, she's tired let her go.  I took and deep breath and wanted to say intubate but when the words came out it was no don't do anything. It was 3:45. In the mean time our hospice nurses had showed up and they were there to support me.

Missy asked if I wanted to hold her and I of course said yes.  I went and sat down and the paramedics handed her to me.  She looked so peaceful.  I rocked her and cried and sang our song- "You are my sunshine".  James showed up and we sat and cried and held our angel together.  We had some time alone with her and we had decided earlier that we would let our family have time with her also.  Our hospice nurse called our families and James's family came over and had their special time with Megan.  At about 5:30-6 our nurse said we needed to get her to the mortuary.  She said they would come get her and we could go with her if we wanted.  I went and changed her diaper with help from out nurse. We had put her slippers on and wrapped her in a soft blanket.  I held her all the way to the mortuary and about collapsed when I had to leave her there.  I had never left her with strangers before and it didn't seem right to do it now.  I finally made it out of the mortuary after saying goodbye hundreds of times and telling her I'd be back in the morning.     We made the arrangements the next morning and I decided I wanted to do her hair for the funeral. Everyone told me I shouldn't but I needed to.  My job for the last 2 years was getting her ready so I said I needed to do this for me. 

I kissed my Meggy for the last time on August 10, 2000.

A Message From Megan by A. Manson

Mom and Dad, I came to Jesus today, 

He sent an angel, who flew me away.

As I lay sleeping, He whispered to me, 

"Come little Megan, He's waiting for thee."

There was no pain Mom and Dad, there was no fear, 

Just the presence of Jesus, so safe and so near.

And now, you would hardly recognize me,

I have been given a perfect new body.

My arms are so strong, and my legs so straight,

I can run fast, and jump, and Mom and Dad it's great. 

I've been playing all day, and I sit on Christ's lap.

And he told me up here I won't have to take a nap.

But dear Mom and Dad, I stopped playing awhile,

Because in the midst of my Joy, I hear you cry.

So I'm sending you this message to say,

I am fine Mom and Dad, I am really okay.

When I was on Earth,  I could not speak,

So my words of Love, I had to keep.

But, I was given a voice today, and "Praise the Lord"

Is all I can say.

So sweet Mom and Dad, don't cry anymore.

This is the day I have been waiting for.

Megan,

          You gave us so much happiness and joy in our lives.  You taught us what love, unconditional love, is really all about.  Your life here was so rough and uncomfortable and now you’re with Jesus.  You’re healed, no more suction, no more suction, no more oxygen masks, and your body is so relaxed that there’s not even and physical therapy there.  I’m asking your family that’s with you now to watch over you and make sure you don’t get into any trouble like two year olds do.  I know you’re running around and playing.  You’re laughing and smiling.  You might even have a tricycle to ride.  You’re happy.

          You’re in the arms of the angels so fly baby, spread your wings and fly because now you’re free.

                                                                      Love,

                                                                      Mommy

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